‘Cold demeanour’

“Hey, so good to hear your voice,” I said excitedly, “How have you been!” I was hearing Shishir’s voice after a long time. This past week he had been distant but I dismissed it work pressure. Plus, we all have our good days and bad, and sometimes, you need to give people the time.

“Hmm,” he responded, nonchalantly.

“All okay? You sound upset,” I asked.

“Yea. Tell me. If there’s nothing important to talk about, we’ll talk later,” he said, sounding slight annoyed.

“No, nothing important,” I said, suddenly taken aback.

“Okay, then. Will talk later,” he said coldly and disconnected the call before I could say anything further.

He did not call me for a few days after that strange conversation. I was not sure what to say further so even I did not message him again. Till I could not.

“Coffee tonight?” I texted him.

“Ok” he replied after an hour without a hint of enthusiasm.

“Okay, 8 PM at Brew Bean?” I asked.

He replied with a thumbs up emoji in response. It just felt so passive aggressive as if he is being forced to join me for a coffee against his wishes.

I reached Brew Bean at 7:30 PM in hopes of finding a quiet corner and gather my thoughts. Shishir walked in at 8:10 PM looking uninterested in being there.

“Is everything okay?” I asked him after over 15 agonisingly silent minutes.

“What do you want me to do? Dance?” He snapped.

“I am just asking. Why are you so angry?” I could not, for the love of God, understand what wrong did I do to trigger such a response.

“Listen. What do you want from me?” He asked angrily.

Tears started welling up my eyes.

“Nothing. I just… just like you. I like talking to you, spending time with you. I love you. I thought you did too,” I said, holding myself back from crying.

“Listen. I know you love me. But I don’t. I am not an emotional person and if you expect me to lend you a shoulder to cry on, then you are wrong. You will always find me having a cold demeanour,” He said.

Tears rolled down my cheeks. I cannot believe he just said that.

“You could have been nicer while saying this. You didn’t have to be so rude,” I said, my chest aching with the heartbreak and tears I am pushing down.

“As I said, I am not your emotional support,” he said.

He got up, put a thousand rupees on the table and walked out.

Shishir and I were together in college before we drifted apart only to get back in touch via social media a few months back. We clicked instantly. We had so much to catch up on and we talked for hours. It was like we never stopped talking. When we met, he took me in a warm, big hug. We didn’t hug even when we were in college. The physical touch was so comforting.

For the next few months, we talked every day and met almost every other day. There were days we would just sit across the table and read our books.

Then one day, few days before Diwali, the cafe had turned off the bright lights and had put up these candles on the tables. They had even decorated them with marigold and rose petals.

“You have really pretty eyes,” he told me over the soft piano music playing in the background.

I blushed so hard that I could feel my cheeks flush with sudden burst of blood. I am sure even in the dim light he could see it. I looked away even as he continued to look at me, making my skin burn. That day when he dropped me home, the hug lasted a little longer.

But then it ended even faster than it started.

I had indeed caught feelings for him in last few months but I realised it that day when I did not want to let go of him after the hug. When I looked up at him, I resisted all with all my willpower to not kiss him.

Except. Next day I did not hear back from him.

Not next day. Not even after that.

Till he finally answered my phone earlier in the day today.

When I was presented with a cold demeanour.